How some doctors are idiots

Two blogs in one week you ask? Why yes! Lots has happened in 24 hours. Namely a trip to the ER yet again. All of the events lead me to reflect on all of the bad doctor advice out there to women with HG. Today was a prime example.

Let me take you back to 2.5 years ago when I was in the throws of my first pregnancy. I was so excited and looking forward to be a happy pregnant mama preparing for her first little one and ready to start obsessing on all the little things I was unsure if I needed. When my morning sickness hit, I was ready for it. I sort of expected to get the same morning sickness that so many other women get. Vomiting every morning became a regular occurrence and the nausea just never seemed to go away. At my first appointment my midwife assured me that I would be fine to just eat small meals and often and not to worry too much about nutrition. I didn't know to ask about fluids. Not yet.

Fast forward 2 weeks. I was privileged enough to have 3 pre-interns help to teach my class. This allowed me to curl up in a ball behind my desk all day in just short of tears. I had tried crackers, ginger ale, ginger pops, ginger gum, small meals, and then just trying to survive. I remember in tears calling my midwife in defeat. "I just can't make it through this." I had said. "I guess I have to try the meds or quit my job." I felt like such a failure for not having been able to make it through morning sickness without the aid of drugs. My friends and family were in part also a little dissapointed to find out I was on meds. No one thought it was healthy and that I was going to harm the baby in some way. I was so torn. I tried to take the meds as little as possible and hence began to waste away. At my next appointment my urine was brown. Not kind of brown, but DARK brown. No one said anything. The midwife seemed to radiate calm and just assured me that everything would be fine and to keep doing the best I could at eating and drinking. At this point I was concerned with the dehydration. "How do I know when I am having an emergency?" I remember asking. She told me if I was so dizzy I could barely stand then I should come in for fluids but she was sure I wasn't that bad. She of course had seen much worse. This by the way is all advice NOT to give a women in HG. Very bad things can happen to women who get this dehydrated. The meds are suppose to prevent more radical intervention later.

Finally, 20 weeks into this agony of day after day of literally wanting to die or terminate or knock myself out for the rest of the pregnancy. I found myself crying on the phone to my grandma. One person who I trusted to tell me like it is and who I know has had enough experience with incompetent doctors on her own. She and my SIL talked me into going in for fluids. The best decision I could have made. It wasn't until later when I was actually feeling a little better that I learned what I have is called Hyperemesis Gravidarum. It is NOT normal morning sickness and there is support out there for women with this disorder. No one knows what causes it. It's sort of like waking up every day with that kind of hangover that keeps you swearing to your toilet that you will never drink again. Every day. For MONTHS. It's horrible.

I was so traumatized from this first experience being pregnant that just the thought of getting pregnant got me binge eating because I could. I felt entitled to food free of guilt and I gained a lot of weight. I had an absolute breakdown in an eye doctor office when I felt my doc was writing me off and not listening and I had nightmares. But looking at my child grow supported our families need for another child. So I risked it again but I did it as educated as possible this time. My husband called it obsessing over the internet.

Ok, fast forward to last night. I woke up thirsty last night so drank a glass of water. Harmless, right? Wrong. I spent the next 5 hours vomiting. Every time I lay down and rolled over, I would throw up. I tried sleeping sitting up but would find myself fallen over and thus throwing up. By 5 am it was clear that I was not going in to work. I called the on-call doctor who told me if I couldn't keep fluids down this morning then I should go to the ER. The office confirmed later as did my grandma. When I asked them about reflux they told me they were not responsible for my reflux and if I had reflux then I would need to see another doctor. Thanks. Jerks.

 The nurses in the ER were nice. I didn't get as nice of a room this time and had to share one with 6 others. My doctor this time was also too cheery for my liking. He did listen to what I had to say and came to the conclusion that I had a touch of the stomach bug based on my new found lack of constipation (thank you Jesus). I got 2 liters of fluids and a dose of zofran. Later he came back and wanted me to drink an apple juice to prove the meds were working. What!? Are you kidding me? I think I must have looked at him like he had just grown a third eye because he laughed and asked if I was afraid of the apple juice. I told him that well yes I was and I haven't had juice in months because it makes me sick - with or without zofran! I was polite and took a few sips. I informed the nurse that a few crackers would be nice to absorb the apple juice that did go down. He agreed that I shouldn't drink the juice.  Then the doctor came back and told me to eat bland foods like apple sauce and rice. Doc, I got this. If it is one thing I can do, I can care for my vomiting body. And this body throws up apple sauce and rice. When I told him I was doing fine on cereal he started talking about how the oils might be bad etc. etc. dude, I have HG. I know when you have HG, you eat what you can and just don't worry about the rest of it. When you start ranting that non-sense you freak women out and get them all worried. Or you just make them think your a true idiot. He also let me leave with my blood pressure really low. The nurses were shaking their heads at that one. So I left in a wheel chair with bp 98/47. We are well and home though.

There are nightmares and then there are nightmares

Welcome to the second trimester! It's been lovely to have you along. This wonderful ride of pregnancy is not for the faint at heart and no, crackers do not cure HG. Let me clear things up a little. HG is sever morning sickness. After having met so many wonderful moms who suffer from true HG, I almost don't even want to lump myself in that category with this one. Certainly my 2 year old fits the bill, but this one is somewhere between just bad morning sickness and not so bad HG. The line however has to be drawn somewhere. I have lost more than 20 lbs and crackers still do not cure what ails me and I have been in to the ER for fluids so I will continue to lump myself in with not as bad HG. Many prayers to the women who are bed ridden for 9 months vomiting constantly and with PICC lines in to help them survive the worst of this disorder. Me? I don't have enough of an excuse to not get up at 6:30 on a Monday morning and shower and put clothes on a body that would rather not be clothed in anything but jammies. It's like some kind of mommy torture.

Here is a week in review:
Monday - back to work bra torture in a fog after a night of nightmares. Logan's Birthday, daycare did an amazing job of throwing him a party. I just couldn't get it together for him.
Tuesday - House keeper day and day 1 of second trimester. Relive Monday, nightmare #2 - decide the phenergan is to blame and time to stop taking phenergan. Constipated all day. Magic Saline worked it's magic.
Wednesday - Night of no drugs and felt MUCH better. I had pep in my step and got to teach a great lesson. Didn't even need the zofran today:) Decided to throw Logan a mini party at home. He frosted his own cake that he had helped make on Monday and blew out his own candles. It was precious.
Thursday - Tired but still feeling ok. Oh wait, that is until I eat my breakfast. My body decided I needed to go to the bathroom immediately but could not get anything to exit the system. Nightmare #3 - having to go ask a coworker to cover your 3rd period so you can drive 30 minutes home for your enima so you can go potty. BOOO. Felt much better afterwards! Again, no zofran today.

*sigh. I dream of staying at home again and lunching with friends who understand the woes of being a mom and trying to take care of toddlers. At school lunch all I get is GROSS! No one wants to know about your fiber! We have some real mature men on our team. This morning before I left for work Logan was awake and came and sat on my lap to snuggle for a few minutes. I love that kid. Every day I think how amazing he is and am reminded how worth it our next one is too. I feel so blessed to even be able to conceive. This may have to be our last natural one but I am so grateful for the opportunity. Here's to a better second trimester!

I am not broken!

I am so excited! Please read past to the second paragraph if you are easily disturbed. My poor hiney is not broken after all! I was so afraid. I've only been able to go with the aid of enimas for the last 2 months but today I went all on my own! It is a victory people and I am so happy my fiber cereals were able to cure what the colace that I couldn't keep down could not.

It's been an up and down kind of month. My days have gone from on and off barely survival and not survivable to mostly good mixed with icky/blah. So an upswing for sure and better then I had hoped for. Monday we will be 14 weeks along, finally the second trimester and Logan's second birthday! We are not throwing a party this year as I just do not have the energy. We might try to take him to the zoo tomorrow. I took him to the pet store today in search of flea/tick medicine and he went NUTS for every animal there. He would stop, point and talk their ear off in complete babble. So I think he might like the zoo. Thanks to all our wonderful family who have sent cards. I am so terrible at celebrating birthdays so I am always so surprised and grateful at how others remember and take the time to celebrate by sending a card. In fact I think the only event I am currently keeping track of are babies and I am not doing so well with that this month either. Sorry to all my family and friends whom I neglect. I love you all! As I get older I hope to get better at the birthday thing...

Monday we will be taking cupcakes and balloons in to daycare. I will try to get out of work a little early so I can go take pictures. We got Logan a plasma car just like his cousin's and a talking digital piggy bank for his birthday.  They haven't come in yet so I hope they get here soon! Our post office is amazing about timely delivery. I sent out a package on Wednesday at 5 and it got to Michigan today, Friday early afternoon. Can't believe it but I love it.

My wacky week 11

You know when I have been off for a few days it doesn't mean anything good. We had a wacky week.

To start, Mike left for a meeting in California on Sunday and my dad came to step in and help me out with Logan. I could not have survived Monday and Tuesday without him. They were bad days. The zofran wasn't working and I kept throwing up the colace. My new routine is to come strait home from work and go to sleep. I just get so tired! Especially on those bad days. Wednesday was a good day, thankfully. On the good days I have been trying to rehydrate and eat a little better. When I got home from school I saw the bananas and thought, why not? I feel good. Banana's are gentle. They are bland. And they are not cereal and I am tired of cereal and pretzels. Bad idea. The banana immediately came up and sent me into a bad downward spiral. I couldn't stop throwing up. The next morning I made it in to school hoping I would feel better and that the meds would kick in. No such luck. I went home after an hour in tears. I was beyond constipated and throwing up and it had been 4 days since I had really had much to drink. So I called in. Luckily it was my doctor who got my note and told me to go to the ER.

I was terrified. I hate ERs. I was hoping I could go into L&D but they said I was too early for that. I just knew I would be sitting in that ER forever at the bottom of the priority list. Well, luckily I was wrong. Almost no one was in the ER on a Thursday morning. They got me in in about an hour. Got me in my own room and introduced my 2 nurses. They were both so friendly and so supportive. They took one look at me and said I was definitely dehydrated and later test results said the same thing. I hadn't really noticed how dry my skin was getting. I met my doctor, Dr. M who was FANTASTIC. I can't say enough how awesome she was. She new exactly what was going on with me and new exactly what to do to help. My OB was her OB and friend so she called her just to double check everything and fill her in.  They pumped me up with 3 liters of fluids and some phenergan (I think that is how you spell it) because I my OB wanted to take me off the zofran because of the constipation - a nasty side affect. She warned me it might make me woosy. LOL, I was out 10 minutes later and slept for like 3 hours! The nice nurses shut off my light and shut the door to keep the ER noise out. When I woke up they brought me a little lunch tray to see if I could eat anything and I could.  I just knew I really needed the fluids to get out of the spiral I had gotten into.

When it was time to go they took my blood pressure - 5 times and it was about 87/39. That's a little low! They wouldn't let me leave until it was higher so they had me take some laps around the ER. That seemed to help. I felt really drugged the rest of the night and a little less so on Friday at school. It's now Sunday and my little cocktail of phenergan in the evening and a low dose of zofran in the morning seems to help as long as I keep drinking whenever I can. A side affect of the phen is dry mouth so that actually helps motivate me to drink!

Tomorrow I hit 12 weeks. The last week of the first trimester. Lots of prayers that this all will end soon!I know too many people who have to deal with much worse than this all the way through the pregnancy.

Happy Earth Day!

Popped?

 
Today as I was walking ever so slowly in to school (either from pain, lethargy or really the unwantedness of beginning the day) a fellow teacher pulled me aside to exclaim how I am beginning to show now. I assured her that it was just an illusion from the dress and she was adamant about how no I now have a belly where I didn't before. I thought it was sweet but honestly, my belly is the same size, the rest of me has just shrunk around it so I guess she is right. The belly I had post baby, is now hard with a new baby and I am looking lean everywhere else! Ah, my silver lining. If I have learned anything from last time though it's that I need to begin doing some light exercises to keep my muscles from disintegrating as well. It makes it hard to keep the weight off after if you have no muscle to help.

My first week back after spring break was tough but bearable. I had some great lessons planned where I didn't have to stand and entertain too much. It involved a lot of strategic teaching and transitions to the students working. We had 2 days in the computer lab of trying to identify rocks of which I am actually getting pretty good at. Did you know Maryland has a lot of metamorphic rock due to pre-Pangaea mountain uplifting? Well Tuesday and Wednesday went great. I was able to eat and drink moderately well while heavily medicating. Thursday was bad, as I predicted. I made it through most of the day until I gave up 6th period and just went home to a 2 1/5 hour nap. It didn't improve my appetite and all I got down was an orange and piece of cornbread. Today was a little better, I actually survived a day of teaching with lectures in 6 classes and ate a piece of carrot cake! I'm still working on the water though. The last thing I want to cram into the weekend is a trip to L&D for fluids.

Sunday DH is heading out west for a meeting and won't be back until Tuesday then has another presentation on Friday. Did I mention he has been taking care of EVERYTHING around here? How could I survive a 2 year old, being sick, and trying to work? Plus DH was in a panic all day yesterday on how he was going to finish everything so I called my lifeline - my parents. My dad is coming in tonight to help us out. Thanks Dad! (and thanks Mom for sharing him, I know you wanted to make it too)

10 weeks

Last week was spring break. Other than this nasty cold, I actually started feeling better. I was eating salads and even meat and only throwing up maybe every other day. Then, yesterday I didn't feel well. It was our first day home. It was Easter so we got up and went to church, I survived the claustrophobia and incense. My mood and the homily sort of dampened my Easter spirit but praise God none-the-less.  But the rest of the day I spent asleep or resting. I couldn't keep my spaghetti down and since then it has been all down hill. After throwing up last night I felt like I was going to again but I got to sleep instead. This morning, in the last 2 hours, I have thrown up 3 times. The last time was about 30 minutes after the 8 mg of zofran. I think if I throw up again I will call the doc. I don't really think there is anything else they can do except maybe IV zofran but MAN am I glad this school district takes Monday after Easter off too.

Yesterday also marks the day we officially went public!

He came, He lived, and He died a horrible death because he knew you and said you are worth it. But He didn't stay dead. Praise God. That is the Easter Message.

A break?

I can't believe I decided to post again this week. I was fully expecting misery all week. Yesterday however I woke up feeling ok. I didn't through up, took a zofran, drove to school and ate most of the day and took another zofran when I got home so I could keep eating and drinking. Today I felt even better. I don't feel like I need a zofran this evening and I have eaten quite a bit albeit starchy foods all through the day. I don't know if this helped but I have made sure to get some dairy in the last couple of days be it yogurt, or cheese. Maybe it's that.

We did have 1 scare last night though. I brought my colace to the couch with me so I could wait the 30 minutes after the zofran to take it. I guess I forgot. When L got home with DH has was running around being cute. Next thing I know he is on the couch practically choking. DH picked him up when he promptly vomited all over him. And there it was, the colace pill. *sigh. At least it tastes so nasty chewed that it makes a almost 2 year old vomit.

Today marks the first day of Spring Break for me. I worked hard ALL day to get my grades complete. It is the last thing I wanted to worry about tomorrow with the doctors appointment and trying to pack. Tomorrow: Florida or bust! Congrats to the little bro for graduating sub school!

UpDate: The doctor visit was mixed. Sonogram lady was horribly rude but the doctor was amazing. Yay Dr S. Say hello to new little peanut!